Be aware: at this very moment, the decades-old beast of a rock club that is Don Hill’s is being commandeered by two gentlemen named Nur Khan and Paul Sevigny (the duo of nightlife overlords currently making sweet music together at Kenmare) and turned into a rock club that looks a lot like... the old Don Hill’s. Except the walls have a fresh coat of black paint, and you know what that means: more models and a fair helping of frantic late-night dance parties. But don’t believe us. Believe the numbers, the official factual accounting of the reopening party:

Ratio of people outside to inside the bar: 4 to 1
Owners actually named Don Hill: 1
Stripper poles attached to the bar: 2
Sevignys present: 2
Percent of Sevignys using the stripper poles: 50
Percent of people wearing black: 98
Film playing on the TV: Bush Hunters 3, 1972
Mustache sightings in the featured film: 4
Tables devoted to bottle service: 3
Ratio of beer to mixed drinks consumed: 4 to 1
Number of Josh Hartnetts in attendance: 1
Meta-ironic trucker hats spotted: 2
Un-ironic fedoras spotted: 21
Untied ties spotted: 3
Guys holding skateboards spotted: 3
Freddy Krueger portraits on the wall: 1
Number of walls with wet paint: 6
Number of people covered in paint: 88
Percent of people under the influence of enlivening paint fumes: 85
Percent under the influence of other things: 15
The Dashboard crowd breakdown: 20% models, 40% rockers, 30% hipsters, 10% celebs
Number of Fashion Week rock shows presented in collaboration with DeLeón Tequila: 4
Number of senior citizens (over the age of 65): 21
Percent of senior citizens dressed like Iggy Pop: 100
Maximum number of girls in a 5x5 bathroom stall: 4
Time spent waiting to pay tab at bar (in minutes): 32
Number of secret “Nur’s private lounge” rooms: 1
Chance you’ll get into “Nur’s private lounge”: n/a