Oh, hey, look at that. You made it. Good for you. Seriously—for surviving that Mayan thing. It was a close
call. For a minute, your whole life flashed before your eyes. Or at least your year. It was beautiful. It
looked a little like this...
You knew 2012 would be great when they served you the bacon mash at Acme. Le Baron upped your number of
waify Parisian model acquaintances exponentially. And kung pao pastrami finally entered your life, courtesy
of San Fran transplant Mission Chinese... The free beer line didn’t hurt either.
YOU WATCHED KINGS RECLAIM THEIR THRONES
The Beatrice Inn, Bill’s and No. 8
Graydon Carter helped the Beatrice Inn grow up from its seedy (wonderful) subterranean past... with
snake-venom cocktails. You lamented the passing of Bill’s Gay Nineties and welcomed its wonderful, smoked-bacon-chop-having successor.
And Bungalow 8 returned as a gastropub. Most gastropubs party through sunrise these days.
YOU HIT THE HOTEL SCENE HARD
The NoMad Hotel and Wythe Hotel
The NoMad Hotel single-handedly legitimized the NoMad portmanteau with a dinner-and-cocktails stunner from
the EMP guys. Then came its rooftop. Also, Wythe Hotel gave you the panoramic rooftop views of the Ides and
that transcendent duck of Reynards in Williamsburg. Where the ducks transcended before it was cool.
The skies became angry. But you were fine. Your umbrella turned inside out. But it was okay. Unruly
champagne-bottle spray went unchecked. And you welcomed it. All because you had this spill-proof tux. No one
even seemed to mind that you were wearing it every single day.
The Hamptons were great and all, but... well, there was no free parking. Which wasn’t a problem at Erotic
Bethel. It’s why you loved it there. That, and the nude three-legged couples races, the erotic dance party
and the judgment-free, swinging Catskills lifestyle. Coulda been those, too.
Your love of ramen saw its pinnacle in 2012. Probably because it got together with your love of pastrami,
moved to Brooklyn and became the Deli Ramen at Dassara. It was Mile End meat. It was matzo balls.
It was f**king spectacular.