2013: it’s been real. But it’s time for us to go boldly into the next phase of Gregorian time. To the future. Where Snapchat novellas and corporatized drone air forces await.

But we’ll miss you. You gave us the swan song of Walter White. You gave us unbelievable lines for pastries. You gave us Yeezus. And you gave us all this...

Innings of Mets baseball announced by Jerry Seinfeld: 9
Articles of clothing worn by this Roberta’s waitress on her last day: 0
Gallons of scotch tragically lost in a fire when a tanker turned over on a New Jersey highway: 6,000
Thinly veiled Chuck Schumer campaign stops to Williamsburg’s Crown Vic Bar: 1
Ratio of Knicks wins to tasty blues-rock licks by Jim Dolan: 1:15
Enlightenment level, on a scale of 1 to 10, reached by Patrick Stewart since his move to Brooklyn: 10
New reasons created to go to Midtown: more than anticipated
F**ks given by Bob Dylan: 0
Minutes the most famous chef in the world waited for Shake Shack: > 0
Date the cronut debuted: 5/10/2013
Approximate number of human hours spent in line for them since: 26,502,304,123,402,348
Year we’ll see you again: 2014

Peace.

—UD