You’ve got big plans this weekend. Well, cancel them. We’ve found something bigger—private-island bigger. Specifically Rat Island, a remote rock off the Bronx coast hitting the auction block Sunday, and yours (or Richard Branson’s) for the taking. Below, the facts and figures for the little isle you’ll soon call home... or secret lair.

Size of Rat Island: 2.5 acres
Size of a football field: 1.31 acres
Degrees of unobstructed city views: 360
Percentage of island that remains above water during high tide: 0
Assessed value of the island: $426,000
Average price of a studio apartment in SoHo: $900,000
Original year of purchase: 1654
Number of previous occupants who used it as a yellow fever quarantine hospital: 1 (Allegedly.)
Years it’s been since rats inhabited the island: 50
Neighboring islands: 1
Neighboring islands used as a burial ground for the unclaimed dead: 1
New countries created since 1990: 34
New outer boroughs created since 1990: 0
Off-site parking spaces that come with the island: 1
Distance to the nearest pizza joint: 2/3 mile
Number of boats in their delivery fleet: 0