Homm’ Alone
A Discreet Penthouse Barbershop on Madison Ave

You’re a master of discreet relaxation.

You hold a patent for the supply closet trundle bed, maintain a private hammock in Anguilla and are the foremost authority on open-eye sleeping in the Western Hemisphere.

So naturally, when we uncovered a Madison Ave penthouse that’s hiding one-way-mirror massage rooms and white-truffle-extract Turkish wet shaves, we figured you’d want to be notified immediately.

Welcome to Hommage Atelier, a bespoke enclave of grooming, networking and diamond-dust exfoliating on the park, opening Monday.

Basically, this is what barbershops will look like in 50 years. Flat-screens, fireplaces, straight razors forged from space-age metal and a complete absence of inexplicable jars with blue liquid.

Tucked tactfully into the top floor of an unmarked building, this is the kind of place where you’ll lay low during lunch hours with a haircut, beard trim or hand massage designed specifically to relieve BlackBerry typing fatigue.

Immediately upon entering, you’ll be greeted with a hot towel, complimentary scotch and an iPad (handshakes have run their course). From there, you’ll either connect with your barber (who’ll have your grooming preferences and favorite talking points on file), or access your personal locker and swap suit for kimono.

At your disposal: a collection of extensively researched absurdist/luxury treatments like the black-diamond-dust facial, a massage behind a false mirror and, if it’s after 5pm, a black-tie prep package.

Step #1 in preventing cocktail elbow.