There’s a helicopter waiting for you in New Jersey.

And when we say waiting for you, we mean waiting for you to smash it into pieces with a baseball bat.

Or a battle-axe.

Welcome to The Destruction Company, an underground organization that’s turned an abandoned Hoboken warehouse into a private, 24-hour den of demolition, screening new members now.

Finally, everything you need (sledgehammer, personalized hazmat suit, legal waiver) to scratch that Patrick Bateman itch without fear of incarceration (or reservations at Dorsia).

You’ll start by earning a membership (a 300-word essay on the works of Gallagher should do the trick). Then, once you’ve paid dues and familiarized yourself with the rules (no drinking, fire, guns, killing living things or destroying documents), there’s just one thing left to do: request something to annihilate.

Short of the Magna Carta, you’ll be able to destroy just about anything (baby grand, vintage Harley, cheese replica of the moon). It’ll be your job to pick a target and make an appointment. It’ll be their job to find (or make) the item, send a chauffeured car and set up the kill room.

Which in this case means an unmarked, 8,000-square-foot space in a forgotten industrial park. Inside, you’ll have an assortment of weapons (golf clubs, swords, chainsaws), a collection of outfits (medieval armor, hockey pads) and a suite of video equipment.

It’s the piñata snuff film you were born to make.