French Made
A French Den of Sin in the East Village

Before you know it, it’ll be 2012.

But before you know that, it’ll be spring.

And way before you know both of those, it’ll be Saturday.

Which means you’re going to need a plan.

Ideally one that involves escargots and burlesque dancers.

So consider yourself ahead of the curve with Affaire, a new tri-level, labyrinth-like French lounge that’s serving up authentic onion soup and libertine Parisian debauchery, opening tonight.

Like any good den of sin, this one has the weathered wood ceilings, exposed brick walls and shadowy chandelier glow of a château proper. Also, a giant illuminated poodle picture. Which can always be counted on to tie a room together.

Your night will begin upstairs, where you’ll settle into a pillow-lined banquette while waitresses armed with feather dusters deliver fall-off-the-bone Duck Leg Confit and Buffalo-Style Frog Legs. If this were brunch, now would be the time you’d collect the make-your-own-mimosa kit. Otherwise, refreshment should be gleaned via fruit-infused vodka.

And when you’ve cleared away your small plates and inhibitions, it’ll be time to head down a narrow staircase to the dual-level basement. Here’s where you’ll find booths with beds, those burlesque performances (created by an original Pussycat Doll) and a private, VIP-only exit.

Or as you call it, a door.