This story could end in any number of ways:

—With someone saying, “You’re basically a water-gazelle.”

—With the catching of a striped bass.

—Pirates.

But it definitely starts with the SipaBoard, a self-inflating paddleboard that shoots you around bodies of water with an electric jet engine, now available for preorder and shipping in September.

Sometimes you feel like doing water sports. Other times you feel like cruising around with little to no effort and appreciating views and soaking up the sun and other fun stuff like that. This is for those latter times.

First order of business: take it out of your weekender bag and inflate it. It’s got a light jet engine sandwiched in the middle of the board that doubles as a compressor. Meaning it’ll inflate itself. Use those five minutes to pat some sunscreen on your honker. (You heard us. Honker.)

Then, pop it in the water and jump on. The corresponding app will track your route from the shore, and you’ll use a button on the wireless paddle to control the motor. It runs for about an hour at 4 mph, or longer at cruising speed.

Because apparently paddleboards have cruising speeds now.