Well, friends, it’s finally come to this.

...

Here’s an artificially intelligent mattress cover called Luna that tracks your sleep habits, controls your bed’s temperature, turns the coffeemaker on in the morning and does other things that mattress covers have no business doing, now available for preorder and shipping in August.

Yeah, they made your bed smart now, too. You knew this was next. You knew they’d throw a thermostat, a heart rate monitor, a microphone, light sensors and wi-fi on that one of these days.

And here’s how it plans on making your nights better/weirder:

By keeping you warm. Or cool. Or in between.
Select your preferred temperature for each side of the bed, and it shall be so.

By tracking your biometrics.
Heart rate. Breathing rate. Sleep cycle. Your mattress would just like to get to know you a little better is all.

By waking you up.
No need for an alarm. This thing wakes you up when you tell it to.

By turning the lights off, locking the doors, setting your coffeemaker...
It won’t make you huevos rancheros, though.

You’ll have to make your own huevos rancheros.