Pretty soon, you’re going to meet someone.

Someone attractive. Someone smart. Someone who’s genuinely interested in, you know, you.

Oh, and they’ll be judging the hell out of you come beach season, so... let’s talk strategy.

Inhale and exhale for Athos, a new line of highly technological attire that will make you better at working out, now available for preorder and shipping in June.

It’s like really smart Under Armour, more or less. There’s a shirt and a pair of shorts, both skintight and both very inappropriate to wear grocery shopping. But they’re equipped with sensors that know how hard you’re lifting, how heavily you’re breathing and whether you’re just standing around when you should be preacher curling.

And they sync with your iPhone, because it’s the year 2014 and everything does that. So when they arrive, proceed as follows: 1) Don intelligent spandex. 2) Lift some heavy objects or just do a few hundred somersaults. 3) Check your phone.

During workouts, it’ll keep track of reps and coach your lifting form by knowing which muscles you’re using. And when you’re finished, you’ll see how much time you spent working out versus... not working out.

It’s not your fault Down East Dickering was on.