Take a deep breath.

Come on. Do it. With your belly, like they taught you in gym class.

Awesome, you did great.

Now let’s try that again... but with 100% more booze.

Give a sigh of utter jubilation for the Vaportini, a curious contraption that turns any alcohol into a potent inhalable gas, available now.

Maybe you’ve heard of this before—perhaps you’ve even tried it at one of the few bars gutsy enough to offer it. But you’ve never actually owned one of these. Today, through the magic of Internet capitalism, that changes.

It sounds simple enough. A spherical booze vaporizer. An alco-hookah. You put vodka in, you breathe vodka out—and skip that whole “waiting to feel excellent” process. But the path to inhaled enlightenment requires training. Observe...

When it arrives, you’ll find three pieces: a glass straw, a glass orb and a metal ring. Your move: place a candle inside of a pint glass. Then, cover it with the ring. Next, put the orb upon the ring. Now, carefully pour your chosen spirit into the orb. Wait five minutes. Chuckle at the Breaking Bad similarities here. Insert the straw. Say goodbye to reality as you (soberly) know it. Finally—just like we practiced—inhale...

Within seconds, you’ll feel a strong euphoria throughout your body. This is good. This is normal.

This is probably getting banned in a month or two.