Pie Society
Who Doesn't Love Pie?

Look. Far be it from us to tell you how to run your life, but we think it's time you consider settling down and making a commitment that will last you the rest of your years.

Don't worry—it involves pie...

We're talking about the new Pie-for-Life Plan, a literally life-altering new program from Royers Roundtop Café, based in the land of all things gluttonous and wonderful: Texas.

As with any potential lifelong commitment, you shouldn't go into this lightly. So here's what you need to know: if you sign up, you'll get one pie, delivered directly to your door, once a month, for the rest of your natural days. It'll come as regularly as the season: in May, there's Bud's Chocolate Chip (basically, an enormous cookie with pecans), in November, there's Dr. Karen's Pumpkin, and in December…well, that's when the nearly foot-long, four-pound Sin-Nammon Ring arrives. And they're all handmade in Texas, by a joint that's been around since 1946. (Should you stop in, note that they'll charge you not to have ice cream on your pie.)

Now, in taking on a marriage like this, you should expect some compromise. First of all, there's the entry fee: $10,000. And depending on your age, it could cost quite a bit more—Royers uses an actuarial chart to determine how much a lifetime's supply of pie is really worth.

No word on if they factor in actually eating a lifetime's supply of pie.