Cool Ranch
Beef in Its Most Tender Form

There’s a lot going on in your life right now.

Hell, in the world.

It’s easy to lose sight of the big picture.

For instance: there’s two and a half pounds of beefy perfection awaiting your order right now.

Introducing the Perini Ranch Online Store, home of a legendary piece of Texas beef and probably your ticket into holiday party lore, available now.

A little background: these guys have been a mail-order powerhouse for a while now—long enough to have made appearances at the James Beard House. Oh yeah, and the White House (the “other” house). The operation is based out of a tiny town in Texas called Buffalo Gap, which sounds about right.

Now: to the shop. It’s true. You’re going to be tempted to buy some steak rub here. Or a Perini Ranch hat (we know you want one). But it’ll quickly become clear that the main event is the Mesquite Smoked Peppered Beef Tenderloin—two and a half pounds of America in the form of a delicious side of cow.

It’ll be overnighted to you. You’ll take it out of its protective satchel (which such things come in) and just let it thaw to room temperature. No cooking. (Trust us—we tried it.) Then slice it. They say it serves six to eight hungry souls.

Which sounds more like a challenge than a suggestion.