In-N-Out.

The mere mention of it brings a glint of unadulterated, childlike joy to your eye. The crunchy lettuce. The pillow-soft buns. The juicy, mustard-cooked patty.

Too bad it’s only available in the Southwest.

Oh, and at your place...

Welcome to Midtown Row, a service that will deliver your Animal-Style Double-Double anywhere in America, taking orders now and shipping next Tuesday.

First, a caveat. This is a rogue service, and we couldn’t sample it at press time (believe us, we tried), so buyer beware.

But come on. This is like the burger-lover’s equivalent of the Cubs winning the Series. Or the discovery of America. In other words, a really big deal in the form of fresh lettuce and tomatoes with that perfectly yellow, melted cheese over the two patties on those fluffy buns with the secret spread. (You know, if you’re into the Platonic ideal of a burger.) And right now, these guys will overnight you Animal-Style Double-Doubles by the pair.

Now, there’s an entire line of other things they’ll deliver to you: some petite brownie bites, a nice pineapple pastry. And those are probably great, but really, let’s get serious. When that refrigerated package arrives at your door and you’re sitting at the table at the end of your In-N-Out-less existence...

It’s okay if you need a moment.