Published November 02, 2010
Something New to Put in Your Cereal
When it comes to remakes, there’re a few hard and fast rules to live by:
1. For movies, don’t touch the glorious catalog of Michael J. Fox.
2. For songs, never go acoustic.
3. And when childhood foodstuffs are involved, add booze. Then keep adding booze.
Here to honor and improve on your favorite beverage of yore is Adult Chocolate Milk
, a vodka-laced
carton of brilliance, available online now.
At long last, science and ingenuity have combined to create a vodka drink that you’re expected to blow
bubbles in. You’ll want to reach for a bottle (rubber nipple optional) after a particularly long day of
chopping wood, bending rebar with your bare hands or hostage negotiation, when Oreos alone just aren’t
doing enough to take the edge off.
You’ll go online and secure yourself a quantity (we’d advise a crate). Then, via an old-fashioned
milkman (who may still be in his UPS driver Halloween costume), the 40-proof chocolate milk will arrive at
your door in an old-timey glass bottle, complete with swing-top lid (somehow, that makes it more
Your first instinct will be to take a slug straight from the carton. Do not ignore this instinct. Drink it
the way God/nature intended. Straight from the bottle. Fridge open. Sans shirt.
And much like a beverage/snack-time Nostradamus, they’ve already got plans in motion to add alcohol to
orange cream, fruit punch and limeade.
But only the milk will help prevent osteoporosis.
Adult Chocolate Milk