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12/30/09
Good Times...
The Best Moments of 2009
In the past 12 months, some truly amazing things have happened—and some of them didn't involve historic inaugurations, planes landing on the Hudson or unprecedented economic collapse. Instead, they involved scotch, showgirls and Nic Cage (sadly, not all at once). Here, the best of those.
APRIL 11: BIRTH OF AUTO-TUNE
The News Got Auto-Tuned
Politically, this year was action-packed—tea parties, Afghanistan, governors "hiking the Appalachian
trail." But what it was not, was musical. And that's where this brother duo came in: Through a series of
videos where they rapped, T-Pain style, over news clips from CNN and the like, they made Nancy Pelosi the
biggest hip-hop muse since Rihanna. And really, that was long overdue.
APRIL 20: BALE FAIL
Christian Bale Freaks Out, the Remixes
We really should have seen this coming: Within hours of Bale's on-set meltdown—the one where he
somehow turns "you're a nice guy" into a threat—leaking to the web, an intrepid DJ named RevoLucian
(why yes, he is from LA) remixed it into the dance music equivalent of an Andrew Dice Clay
cassingle.
AUGUST: JACK ATTACK
Jack Nicholson's European Vacation
In his 72nd year, Jack continued doing what he does best: making you jealous as hell. He didn't star in any
movies, but in a series of vacation photos—where he's swimming, smoking, scoping out French girls and
generally looking like he doesn't give a damn—he helped us forget about The Bucket
List.
OCTOBER 6: THE SHOW GOES ON
Apparently, Showgirls Sequel in the Works
We're not sure what was going on in October—we remember hearing the words "health care" a
lot—but we somehow missed this earth-shattering piece of cinematic news: a German director is
following up the legendary masterwork with a sequel. Sadly, Jessie Spano's not involved.
NOVEMBER 16: SCOTCHY SCOTCH
Scotch Liberated From South Pole
In 1909, Ernest Shackleton tried and failed to make it to the South Pole. But he left a smart marker: two
bottles of scotch. In 2009, a New Zealand group decided to retrieve those bottles. Experts say the
century-long ice burial won't substantially change the whiskey's original flavor, but we're still willing to
give it a taste.
NOVEMBER 18: PIRACY
Nicolas Cage Visits Real-Life Pirates
It sounds like the beginning of National Treasure 3: The Pirate's Revenge: this fall, Nic Cage
toured a Kenyan prison, where he met with some captured Somali pirates, who—we kid you
not—performed a choreographed dance in his honor. All of which was only slightly less baffling than
his haircut.
ALL YEAR: BEARD PAPAS
Crazy Actors Grow Crazier Beards
This year, it seemed like if you knew someone who made his living in the acting arts, there was a 50-50 shot
he would grow a beard worthy of a robber baron and go absolutely nuts. Randy Quaid
got busted for skipping out on a hotel bill, while Joaquin Phoenix did his best
impression of catatonic Santa. Emilio Estevez, we've got our eye on you.
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