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12/28/09
Oh, Nine
Everything That Was Important in 2009
In the past 362 days, a lot has happened—some new guy became president, Tiger Woods double-bogeyed with some cocktail waitresses and Kanye West let Taylor Swift finish. But in case those trifling matters distracted you from the important things, here's a handy list of the most earth-shattering things to happen this year:
WE HELPED SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Girlfriend Keeper
If you're celebrating New Year's with a special someone, you might owe it to this app—it sends
personalized, romantic emails and texts to your significant other at random, so you don't have to remember
to do it. Not that you would ever need such a thing...
- 411:
- Make the save here
YOU HAD A (FAKE) CHILD
The Office Kid
This kit came with everything you needed to trick your boss into thinking you have a child—crayon
drawings, fake doctor's notes and (of course) a framed photo of your little treasure. If your attendance
record dipped in the past few months, you're welcome.
- 411:
- Get on the road to fake parenthood here
SODA TOOK IT EASY
Mary Jane's Relaxing Soda
Maybe it's the slowed down economy, maybe it's our new, mellow commander-in-chief, or maybe it's just your
undying thirst for novelty sodas with punning, illicit-sounding names. Whatever it is, after a few years of
pumped-up energy drinks—with names like Mega-Mega Charge Sauce—your soda took a well-deserved
break. Even if you didn't.
- 411:
- Take it easy here
AMERICAN REBEL STYLE WENT ONLINE
Hickoree's and ACL & Co.
There remained one surefire way to deliver a sartorial eff-you to the man: embrace the rebel style of the
'50s and '60s. The best new places to get it: these two new online purveyors of genuine American cool, where
you could find, say, a chambray tie or a camo laptop case, both made in the USA.
LINGERIE GOT INTERESTING
Glow in the Dark Lingerie
If there's one thing in this world that needs no improvement, it's Jessica Alba. But if there's another,
it's lingerie—and yet, this slight, bright adjustment brought a little extra glow into our lives this
year. Not that any ladies you know needed it...
- 411:
- Brighten your night here
EMBARRASSING PICTURES ROSE FROM THE DEAD
Awkward Family Photos
There's nothing new about funny websites. And yet, this particular site—which resurfaced ancient and
bizarre family photos—stood out for its sheer, hilarious consistency. Featuring a family dressed alike and straddling a
tree has a way of doing that.
- 411:
- Enjoy the hilarity here
YOUR SCENT WENT ROGUE
Portland General Store and Nasomatto Black Afgano
When the history books get written, 2009 might go down as the year when it became perfectly acceptable to
smell like whiskey. Or opium. Credit experimental perfumers like the Portland General Store (who supplied
the hooch) and Nasomatto, who supplied the opium—after smuggling it out of Afghanistan. Effort well
spent.
KARAOKE WENT TO THE MOVIES
Yoostar
So this was the year you finally got your big break, appearing in movies next to Oscar winners like Hanks,
Brando and, uh, the gopher from Caddyshack. Granted, you were in your living room, but
still—this movie answer to karaoke justified all that dabbling in Method you did in college.
- 411:
- Get ready for your close-up here
LIZ HURLEY GOT INTO DEHYDRATED BEEF
Elizabeth Hurley Beef Jerky
Hey—it's a living.
- 411:
- Start your beef here
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