UrbanDaddy is a free exclusive email magazine devoted to keeping you in the know.
National Home > Entertainment > France France Revolution
07/11/12
France France Revolution
Your Bastille Day Essentials Are Here
Not long ago (okay, it was 223 years ago), the French stormed the s**t out of the Bastille. It went well. So well, in fact, that they’ve been partying ever since. What follows: just some things to help you get in the spirit with them this Saturday. Let’s get French.
MIME’S THE WORD
A Stilt-Walking Mime for Hire
Here’s What: A former Cirque du Soleil performer who’s now available for hire—think
acrobatic mime on stilts.
Here’s Why: Picture him walking around your Bastille Day party. Just walking around being all French, uncomfortably tall and mime-y. It’s not even an option.
Beret Factor: Immeasurable—this guy may have invented France.
Here’s Why: Picture him walking around your Bastille Day party. Just walking around being all French, uncomfortably tall and mime-y. It’s not even an option.
Beret Factor: Immeasurable—this guy may have invented France.
- 411:
- Stilt Dancer from Scarlett Entertainment, walk tall here
FOUND IN TRANSLATION
How to Insult People in French
Here’s What: An English-to-French translator app... with an insult generator. You know,
in case some server tries to get all “I’m French” on you.
Here’s Why: In case some server tries to get all “I’m French” on you.
Beret Factor: Low—this gives you the upper hand. They hate that.
Here’s Why: In case some server tries to get all “I’m French” on you.
Beret Factor: Low—this gives you the upper hand. They hate that.
- 411:
- Trouble in French, level the playing field here
HIP, HIP, BERET
You Knew There Would Be a Beret
Here’s What: A black wool vintage-as-all-hell beret. Plain and simple.
Here’s Why: There’s something strangely young-Victor-Hugo-in-a-smoking-jacket-judging-a-cabaret-audition-in-Nice about this thing. Maybe that’s why. That’s probably why.
Beret Factor: It’s an actual beret. So... pretty high.
Here’s Why: There’s something strangely young-Victor-Hugo-in-a-smoking-jacket-judging-a-cabaret-audition-in-Nice about this thing. Maybe that’s why. That’s probably why.
Beret Factor: It’s an actual beret. So... pretty high.
- 411:
- Foulard Basque Vintage Beret, France-ify your head here
PRINT CONDITION
Your Walls Need More Brigitte Bardot
Here’s What: A bunch of old-school prints of Brigitte Bardot doing things like hanging
out on the beach in Cannes with Kirk Douglas, playing bocce and generally out-bikini-ing the entire French
Riviera.
Here’s Why: Come on...
Beret Factor: Medium to medium-high—bocce is Italian, but somehow she makes it work.
Here’s Why: Come on...
Beret Factor: Medium to medium-high—bocce is Italian, but somehow she makes it work.
- 411:
- Brigitte Bardot Prints, make your wall a model citizen here
BOULES MARKET
You’ll Be Needing a Pétanque Set
Here’s What: Six different boules set options. Aka pétanque. Aka French bocce. The
balls: polished alloy. The case: anything from canvas to polished wood.
Here’s Why: No Bastille Day celebration would be complete without French lawn games.
Beret Factor: High—you can eat a baguette while playing, so you’re good.
Here’s Why: No Bastille Day celebration would be complete without French lawn games.
Beret Factor: High—you can eat a baguette while playing, so you’re good.
- 411:
- Boules Sets from Jaques, jockey your lawn here
GRAS AND ORDER
Foie Gras Delivery: It Exists
Here’s What: Foie gras with port wine and truffles and whole-duck foie gras delivered to
your door by a company that’s been doing duck liver since 1875.
Here’s Why: Your cocktail party needs this. Just don’t tell anyone it came from a can.
Beret Factor: High—it’s like French Papa John’s.
Here’s Why: Your cocktail party needs this. Just don’t tell anyone it came from a can.
Beret Factor: High—it’s like French Papa John’s.
- 411:
- Rougié Fois Gras Delivery, liver it up here
ADVERTISEMENT 
Only what you need to know.