The Ex Files
Exposed, by the Numbers

You’re more than used to people attending to your every serviceable need in this town. What you’d really like to see more of, though: women providing those services in bikinis. Behold, then, our numerical breakdown of Exposed Erotic Hair Salon, what we believe is the only salon in Vegas staffed almost entirely by scantily clad femme fatales. At least for now...

Number of celebrity hypnotists named Cools behind this operation: 1
Months spent incubating the idea (not necessarily under hypnosis): 12
Approximate number of bikinis and/or women’s underthings you’ll see on a given day in Vegas: 97.5
Bikini tops you’ll see at this place on a given day: 20
Median age of the stylists wearing said bikini tops: 26
Cost of a martini from the Swinger’s Club upstairs: $12
Minutes to get a martini in your hand: 5
Pinball machines that will eventually be installed: at least 1
Shuffleboard tables: 2, probably
Chances your stylist will be from Reno: 1/20
And will be wearing a teddy: 87%
Average cost of a men’s facial hair trim on the Strip (taken from a poll of only the most illustrious men’s mustache-trim-givers): $20 to $80
Cost of a mustache trim here: $20
Amount of time it takes to get the Rod Stewart cut: 25 to 40 minutes
Chances your neck masseuse will be from Reno: 1/20
And will have a tattoo: 1/10
And will be wearing a teddy: 87%