Well, that’s a wrap. 2013 is fading to black. Roll credits. Start plotting the sequel. Anyway, here’s one last, incredibly scientific look at the year in Los Angeles that was:

Secret members-only sex parties thrown by Sanctum: 11
Studio execs who kicked Ambien when Nikki Finke no longer had a Deadline byline: 273
Simpsons characters permanently residing at Las Palmas Furniture Warehouse: 3
Items of furniture on sale at Las Palmas Furniture Warehouse: 0
Fights broken up by Liev Schreiber at Giorgio Baldi: 1
Times Nicki Minaj sent out for A.1. sauce at BOA: 1
Local visits from Tan Mom to twerk for dollars: 1
Dollars stolen from a tour-bus operator on Hollywood Boulevard by a man dressed as Spider-Man: 6,000
Ratio of pool tables to illuminated dance floors Cedd Moses brought Downtown: 2:1
Naked models mounted on the walls at Warwick: 2
Naked models mounted on the walls at Warwick who appeared in that one Robin Thicke video: 1
Jones martinis that tasted like pizza: 1
Jones pizzas that tasted like martinis: 0
Largest single order of cronut knockoffs placed at Rockenwagner: 4,500 (really)