Sag Award
A New Desert Hotel for Coachella

Coachella tickets: purchased.

Three-day itinerary of bands, parties, after-parties and after-after-parties: disseminated to all relevant people.

Place you’re staying: oh, s---.

Allow us to help with that. Welcome to The Saguaro Palm Springs, a wildly colorful hotel that’s just sprung up in the desert, now open and taking reservations for Coachella.

This place looks sort of like it was designed by Cee Lo and a few forward-thinking kindergarten teachers: a three-story oasis that resembles a giant box of crayons.

And if all you need is a Coachella crash pad, yes, the rooms have beds. As well as a striking view of the mountains—or the suntans in the courtyard pool.

But if you need a break from the madness, you can hole up in the spa for a Date Shake Detox massage... which involves a rubdown with some pulverized dates. Or make your rounds through the three food-and-drink spots, all helmed by a guy who won The Next Iron Chef. There’s a little tapas spot, a sunny pool bar and El Jefe’s Tequila Bar.

Which would be your band name if you were on the lineup.