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Published September 13, 2009

The Older Woman and the Sea
Cougar Hunting on the High Seas

UD - International Cougar CruiseBy now, we don't need to educate you on the discreet charms of the cougar. Between the latest Claudia Schiffer photo shoots and repeated viewings of The Graduate, we're quite certain you've got it pretty well figured out.

But if you're taking up cougar hunting as a full-time calling, you'll want to seek them out in their natural habitat. Which, it turns out, is a cruise ship…

Introducing the World's First International Cougar Cruise, a three-day nautical getaway catering to ladies of experience and the younger gentlemen who enjoy them, taking reservations now.

You'll set sail from San Diego on a Friday afternoon and spend the next three days cruising in the company of countless would-be Mrs. Robinsons, with all the hot-tub-sharing and sunscreen-spreading that implies. Start your mission with a turn through the six-story Vegas-style atrium, where you'll be able to scope out the bar scene, and maybe even locate the woman-of-a-certain-age occupying the penthouse suite by the bow. Drop by the casino, where you can lock eyes with the nearest Sarandon-esque vixen as you take a spin at the roulette table. (In both cases, we like your chances.) And then head to the topside pool and demonstrate your youthful vigor with a couple of elegantly impetuous cannonballs.

But the real attraction is the guest of honor: one Gloria Navarro, the newly crowned, 42-year-old Ms. Cougar U.S.A. You'll have a little more than 36 hours to wine, dine and woo her before the ship docks in Ensenada and you're set loose on a paradise full of windsurfers and sport fishing outfits who can help you reel in a deep-sea bass or three.

That's not a euphemism.
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