For every bit of matter, there’s an equal amount of antimatter. And, it seems, for every life-enhancing invention to come along there’s... stuff like this. Below, our annual tour of some of the forgettable and pointless things to come across our desks.
Here’s what you do for the perfect goatee. You just take this handy plastic template and shave around it. And how does one keep it in place, you ask. With the equally handy mouthpiece that you bite down on. Actually, no. You don’t. You don’t do any of it.
Putin. Mugabe. Obama. Kim Jong-un. Gaddafi. Which one doesn’t belong? Actually, none of them do, because they’re all porcelain busts, which hold stereo speakers. They come in three sizes, from 10 inches, up to nearly four feet. Naturally, they’re made in Russia.
This season, you may be sending lots of greeting cards. But what if your recipient is hungry when they open one of yours? Well, it would just be rude not to send these 100% edible greeting cards, infused with real fruit flavor. Or something. It would be something.
“This chick is toast.” Bill Murray said that in Ghostbusters. But he meant something entirely different than this: a small appliance that burns an image of genitalia on your bread. It’s the Georgia O’Keeffe of toasters.
What we have here: a folder. But not just any folder. Nope, this is a folder designed to fold out into a triangular-shaped hard hat, in the event that the ceiling starts collapsing during your Q4 executives meeting. It also holds paper. So there’s that.
