Quick: take an inventory of the things around you.

Old fax machines. Rolodex. Ouija board. Empty tallboy cans.

You’re probably thinking two things: 1) Time to fire your chief communications officer. 2) You finally have all the makings of your new sound system.

Introducing Artistic Amplification, available now to turn almost any solid object into a speaker for your portable MP3 player.

If you’ve ever found yourself listening to New Order and thinking “Blue Monday” could be so much more interesting coming out of a speaker that was once an ’80s-era NES (we’re assuming this was circa 1989), you’ll want to act immediately.

These products come from an amateur guitar player/community-college instructor who wondered if his guitar amp would sound better if it were made from empty beer cans. After a little tinkering, soldering and wire rigging, he got his answer: not really. But not terrible, either. Plus, it looked cool. So another chapter in made-in-America entrepreneurism was written.

If you go to his site, you’ll see guitar amps made from mallard duck sculptures and speakers made from cigar cases and Ghostbusters 2 lunch boxes (perfect for your Ray Parker Jr. albums).

And he’s also doing custom jobs, if there’s something special you’d like converted into a speaker. A sentimental cocktail shaker. A beloved thermos. A Best New Artist Grammy you have lying around.

Hootie won’t miss it.